EDIT: What a day...

I didn't go to work. It started snowing at 10:15 in the morning and now at 1:21 a.m, it still hasn't stopped. Everything is frozen. I sort of like that idea. Of course, if I run out of cigarettes, there might be trouble. Billy came over to be snowed in with us. Me, Leish, and him played Uno for hours. Leish won...again. Bitch. Partook in illegal substances for the first time in a while, and SHOOO BUDDY was it great. Played GTA:VC some more too. Damn, that is one fun game.For some reason, I feel like I need to explain my extended absence from the net. Well, not really an absence. I'm just avoiding talking to anyone or doing anything short of update my journal and check my mail. I don't want to call it overkill, or say that I'm burnt out because that isn't exactly accurate. This is a time for me. I am the important one right now, and in order for that to happen, I need to be alone. I've spent nearly two years developing this on-line persona, only to find that when tried in real life, it's just not fun. "Evil Brooke" isn't me anymore, hence the LJ change. "Evil Brooke" died earlier this week, and "Self-Aware Brooke" emerged. That isn't to say that I'm not the person I was last week. I am, just a slightly more "evolved" version.On a more superficial level, a lot of what I do on-line centers around wrestling, and I find that, as of late, it simply holds no interest for me. I only watch Raw to see Hunter, and even that is starting to be a chore. I never thought I'd say such a thing, but it is true. Without my inspiration, I simply cannot be this person that I have become when I am on this computer. I hang on, however, "just in case."Ryann with be here in just over a week! WEEEEEEEE! Oh, it's so over. Our adventures together in Valpo are bad enough, but now we're on my home turf, BABY. Much fun in my future do I see.My Jason!Lust was at an all-time low today! Not good for my Ch'i, I can assure you. Tomorrow might have to be a Jason day. Yes, I believe that is a good idea. If only I owned "The Patriot"...DAMMIT.OOOH, I forgot! Big thanks to Doug for my new Hunter lighter. He's got that hideous jacket on, but he looks too yummy for words. This makes fifteen Hunter lighters. Of course, 14 of them are the same thing, but who cares.I went with Ravenclaw house colors for my nail polish today, in case anyone wanted to know.Heh, random moment of amusement. That Pepsi Blue (aka. Drink Motor Oil, Why Don't You?) commerical with the monks and the band is actually a song. And the band...it's called SEV! That was just too funny for words when I found out.I have said enough. I will now retire. Or perhaps watch "Armageddon" for my Jason fix. *SLURP*As promised, the indepth revelation.Spirituality is something that I have long struggled with, and have always fought a losing battle. I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic school for seven years, and thought that "God" was important to me. I slowly "lost my faith" as the years progressed, and the day before I was to be Confirmed, I told my mother that I wasn't sure if "God" existed, and that I didn't feel right about being Confirmed.Thus began my long journey. I had a minor resurgance of faith in the 11th grade, but I chalk that up to brain-washing and the power of mass relgious out-pourings. I labeled myself as an agnostic upon entering college, and in January of this year, I decided that atheist was the more appropriate term for myself.I was a very devout atheist. I have an eternal respect for everyone and whatever they choose to believe or not to believe. Religion was just a subject that everyone knew not to bring up around me. For the most part, it wasn't a big deal.It was only in early November that Eleisha and I started to discuss our feelings on the idea of "God", "Satan", "Heaven", and "Hell". We quickly decided that we didn't have a religion. The two of us had separate beliefs about different things, and it seemed that there was no name for what we were.We were wrong.It seems very ironic to me that it was Sunday when I had my epiphany. We began researching belief systems on-line, and we have found what we "are."The generic term is "new age", and a lot of people will roll their eyes at that. That's fine. The beauty of being New Age is that you are encouraged to pick and choose from a set of beliefs and practices. We have no recognized deity, no dogma, no creed, and no holy text. It is very liberating, yet at the same time, it links us with others who feel the same way. I have never had the desire to a part of any kind of group, but this gives me a word to describe myself and people to call my peers.I have begun researching various religions on my own, and I have found that there are things about quite a few of them that I like. I have, essentially, blended them all together to make a "religion" that I feel comfortable with.I take my belief of Ch'i from Taoism. That is the organized religion that I can identify with the most. Even it has things I do not agree with, however. I could write pages and pages about this, but I'll spare everyone, including myself. I simply wanted everyone who is interested to know what has happened to me. I am very much a different person that I was just a week ago.And it is a very good thing.